My Diagnosis

Thursday, August 28th, 2014. A day that will forever live in infamy. For me at least. A day that I will always remember in vivid detail and will never EVER forget.

Let’s go back to that April before though.

Mom and I made a trip up to Michigan to visit family or something, and Dad and Aiden stayed behind because Aiden had the flu or I don’t know, SOMETHING happened and they stayed behind for who knows what. On the day that Mom and I were going to be coming home, she started throwing up that morning too. So we had to stay in Michigan for one more day, I wasn’t complaining, I love going to Michigan, and I didn’t have to go to the school the next day because of it, so I was a happy kid lol. Unfortunately, a few days later when we were back home, I wasn’t feeling the best, and then I started throwing up as well.

Now I’m telling you THIS because of what happens NEXT.

A month later, in May, around my 12th birthday, everything started to go really weird for me. By weird, I mean, I started feeling REALLY crappy. I would drink SO much water all day every day, and then have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes, and then I would wake up SO many times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom as well. And I wasn’t gaining any weight either, I mean, I’ve always been a skinny kid, but all of the kids around me were starting to hit the 100’s or so because we were going into junior high and becoming teenagers and growing and all that crap. But while they were growing as they should have, I was maintaining the same weight that I’d been for years. Through all of this, I never really though about anything that was happening, and neither did anyone else. Because after a bit, I started to feel normal, because my body was used to feeling weird and it became my new normal feeling.

After about 3 months in August, mom finally called and tried to see if I could get a doctor appointment, because she thought I had a UTI (oh how I wish that's all it had been). But unfortunately, all of the appointments were filled up and it would be IMPOSSIBLE to get me in, BUT Aiden had an appointment in late August. So mom asked if she could bring me and have the doctor see me and see what it was, and they said yes! My 7th grade year starts, and on the 3rd day, it's time for Aiden's appointment. Now Aiden has ALWAYS hated the doctor, the dentist, all of it, even when my parents would bring him to their appointments or even to mine. He would cry and cry and freak out. So he was already freaking out about it the whole time. By the end of the appointment, the doctor comes in 1 last time and talks to me and mom. We tell her everything and she orders a urine test. So I went to the bathroom and peed in a cup and gave it to the nurses to test it. I went back to the room and a few minutes later they come in and say, "Um, she has a lot of protein in her urine so we're gonna do a finger stick test." Lots of big words that I KNEW but had absolutely NO idea what they meant all together in 1 sentence, but they brought in the Blood Glucose meter (Blood Glucose = BG for future reference) and pricked my finger. It was like a movie. When everything slows down as something bad is happening, ya know that part? Yeah, that was me in that moment. In that moment I was 100% alone. It was me and this ticking time bomb that I was just watching it count down and go off. After a few seconds--but what feels like years-- the white screen flashes 418 in big letters.

A normal blood glucose level is 70-120.

I remember looking at mom and the doctor and saying "What does that mean?" Now, my mom had Gestational Diabetes when she was pregnant with Aiden, so she kind of understand it, but I was like 8-9 years old, and I don't remember what I had for lunch 2 days ago, so much help that was for me. She said that when she had Gestational, the highest she ever went was about 200. And that's when the alarms went off and I shut down. I don't remember much that happened in the hospital after that, I remember crying a lot because "What's Diabetes? What do these numbers mean? Why are there so many people coming in and out? Why do we have to go to Columbus? What's Nationwide? Do we have to go in an ambulance? Why won't dad pick up his phone? Why is mom crying? What's going on?" All of these questions and more were running through my head. Eventually the doctor hugged me and said "Everything's going to be okay." They gave us the directions to get to Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, and then mom, Aiden, and I headed home. When we got home, we had to pack bags for a few days, and then we went to my Aunt and Uncle's house. When we got there, grandma and grandpa were there as well, and everyone was outside and asking if I was okay and stuff. I remember that while we were in the hospital, I stopped saying anything and stopped talking because I was so scared and didn't know what was happening. So when everyone asked if I was okay, all I could do was nod. We left Aiden there to stay the night while we went to the hospital, and then we made the trip to Columbus. On the way there I think I played the DS or something but then after a bit I decided to take a nap, car rides make me tired. But after a it, mom woke me up and said something along the lines of, we don't know what'll happen. I asked if we could get food because it was lunchtime and I was hungry, but we were told to not have me eat any food because of my bg.

After we got to Nationwide, we went to the check in desk but they said that we had to wait for a room to get ready. So we waited and then we went up to the room. Once there, I started to calm down a little, but I was still hungry. So the nurses brought me some food, and said that since I had Diabetes, (they confirmed it to mom), I had to take a shot of insulin. Once again, a word I knew, and word I never heard of. One nurse came in and figured out how much insulin I would need, and then passed it to another nurse to make sure it was okay. They kept saying that we would learn everything in the next few days. "More learning?? But I just started junior high!" That first night, my mom said that my best friend was worried about me and was asking her mom why I wasn't at school and wasn't at volleyball practice, so I called her and explained what was happening. I think it's when I fully understood what was happening. I looked out into the night at all of the pretty lights in the city shining brightly, and I knew everything would be okay.

We stayed at Nationwide until Saturday. The next 2 days were filled with classes, classes, classes, oh, and more classes. There was SO much to learn. I remember after one of the classes on Friday we went back to my room and I laid in my bed and I started crying. "I don't want to do this anymore." It was stressful and scary. But I was able to stay strong the whole time, and I started giving myself my own shots that night. My very first shot I did was my Lantus. Oh man Lantus SUCKS. It hurts SO bad. More on that in a different blog lol. I remember we had a Diabetes care team and they would come in every day and talk with us and answer any questions we had. On Thursday and into Friday, I got so many flowers and balloons and letters from my family, and my friend's families, and even my grandma's friends in Michigan. It was amazing. I still have the letters too.

At one point mom told me about this fish tank that was in the hospital that was built by some like shark tank people or something? I immediately knew I wanted to go see it. So we took a trip to the OTHER side of the hospital to see the tank. It was really cool! I named a fish Dory because it looked like Dory from Finding Nemo. Once we got back I was like, "I feel really weird" and I remembered the nurses talking about low blood sugars and what it would feel like, so I was like "I think my blood is low" so we checked my blood, and it was 72! I wasn't low but I was low by my body's standard because I had been running sooo high for so long.

On Saturday we were finally leaving. I changed into my normal clothes that I had packed, and then I hear flip flops in the hallway. And then they come into my room, so I turn around, and there's my mom's best friend from Michigan, my Auntie Jen!! Oh man I was so happy and so excited. No one else had come see me and I just wanted to see someone other than hospital staff. We went down to the cafeteria and ate lunch, and then she took me to the shop and bought me a giant stuffed animal owl (I still have it). Unfortunately, her visit was short-lived and we all went home. But I will never forget her coming to see me.

That ride home was amazing. But scary. Here we were in this already big and scary world with now a NEW obstacle to get through. When we got home, my grandma and grandpa were there with Aiden. And Lee's Chicken. And then I went into the kitchen and there were balloons on the table tied down to a couple of boxes of Splenda, kudos to my Aunt Ashley lol.

Sunday morning at church, a lot of people came a prayed for me. I was nervous and like "Guys I'm fine" but I appreciated it. It means they care.

On Monday was Labor Day so we didn't have school! And there were yard sales, so everyone was going out and shopping. I rode my bike around town to look at stuff. A couple of my friends from school stopped me and asked what happened and why was I in the hospital so I explained it to them, and that was my first time ever advocating (more laterrrrrr).

Tuesday I had a doctor appointment with my doctor that checked my blood and sent us to Nationwide, She just wanted to check-in with us and make sure we were doing alright and wanted an update. So I went to school late. And that was the worst day. It wasn't bad, I just had a lot of people staring at me, and whispering about me, and asking me what happened. Soon enough everyone in my grade knew about it. I had people coming up to me in class and in the hallway asking me what it was! It was great. It was still scary, but it was amazing.

There's still many fears today on if I'll wake up in the morning, and if I'll have money to get my supplies when I'm older, and a million other things. But as I say "That's a problem for Future Paige, not Now Paige." I don't let it get to me as much as I used to.

It'll be 5 years since my diagnosis in about 4-5 months. And yet, I still learn more about diabetes, how it affects me, how to manage it better, how certain food affects me, and so much more. I wish for so many things. But for now, I survive. I push through all of my negative feelings and sadness, and I get things done, and do what I need to SURVIVE. I have the most amazing support system, from friends that I've had my whole life, to friends that come and go, to friends that live 2 hours away, and the biggest part, my family.

I am here. I am surviving. I will stay here. I will survive.

This will not beat me.